Juggling Life in the Single Lane
Single Mom Help to Reclaiming Life After Divorce

by Sandy Griffin

The juggler stood poised, balls positioned in his hands, ready to take flight. The air in the big tent was electric, the spectators waiting to be regaled. The circus was all that everyone had expected it to be, and more, so expectations were at an all-time high for the finale. The juggler could feel his hands getting sweaty. It was time for the music to start.

The first chord resonated through the canopy as the juggler slowly tossed the first red ball into the expectant air. A child giggled as another ball went higher into the air, and then another and another. The crowd clapped and stomped their feet in approval. The juggler was exhilarated for what seemed like eternity. The crowd clapped as he thrilled them with the antics he had practiced and perfected his whole life. He was good, the best, and he was well aware of it. The crowd would walk away knowing they had witnessed the best.

A hush fell over the crowd as the balls careened out of control. The juggler leaned over to try to gracefully grab one ball back into play, tripped over an electrical chord, and lost his footing. The crowd gasped and then fell into silence as the juggler fell head first into the wooden makeshift floor, hitting his head and painting the floor blood red. The juggler looked up at the crowd sadly. He had let them down; he was not perfect. How could he ever stand up in front of people again, they knew now that he was not perfect!

We live our lives trying to be perfect, the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, and the perfect mother. We pay $14.99 for the book that has all of the answers, and then we buy another and another in the quest to live happily ever after. We juggle it all, and do quite well, thank you.

But then comes the end of the circus, the day that your ringmaster, the one that promised to stay ringside with you for life, informs you that he is moving to another tent.

Suddenly you have to learn to be the juggler, who throws all of the parts of life together for everyone and has them synchronized; the bullet person, who can withstand all of the ammunition that is shot your way every day as you try to keep peace in the tent; the stilts lad who stands above the everyone and makes it look so easy; and the magician, who magically keeps the household happy for all of the outside world to see.

And then comes that defining day when the people who see you as the Master Juggler, watch as the balls that you have mastered all fall to the ground and scatter before you can gather them together.

You peer up through your eyelashes laden with tears and look around at the disappointed crowd. You ruined the show! You are all alone in the ring.

I was the Circus Master in my home. I had a husband and three beautiful daughters; then came the day that I could no longer live the lie that this performance could continue with the verbal abuse that was going on behind the scenes. I was the lone juggler with three little acrobats named Jacki, Katie and Lauren.

How was I going to juggle the rest of my life and that of my girls?

When would the clapping start again? Would our tent ever be filled with applause and glee again?

I started out by walking through each day and feeling like the Lion Tamer, who cracked the whip so the girls would stay in line. As time went on I got the program on schedule and we found that life was bearable. To the outside world all was well, as well as could be expected.

Our little circus entourage of women was moving along at an even pace when I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that I was shuffling through each day, as I trudged to work and then back home for my other job, the most important one of all, being a single mother. I was juggling life alone and I was feeling like the balls were preparing to fly in all directions out of my grasp. I had to do something, but what? I was tired, too tired to think. My brain just wanted to shut down. I needed an easy fix!

So what to do when the joy has gone out of life and the juggler can’t seem to smile?

1. Stop.
Stop looking at what is not working right in your life and look at what IS functioning.

My friend, Ann, called me up – she lives in Florida and I live in Tennessee. As I picked up the phone and greeted her, the first words out of her mouth were, “Sandy, pray that I have cataracts.” A small laugh escaped my lips as I informed Ann that this is not usually what I pray for. She then proceeded to tell me that if she did not have cataracts she had cancer behind her eyes. We buried Ann last year. She could have lived with cataracts.

My mother called me up and said that she went to the eye doctor and was told that her retinas were detaching. I cried when I got off of the phone, telling my girls that I think my mother would rather be dead than see the world as shadows the rest of her life. Three months later my mother died of Mad Cow Disease. She could have lived seeing my kids and I as shadows. She could have still tasted life.

Stop and look at what life has, not what it has not. If you are juggling life and the balls fall all over the floor, can you live with that? Or is the game over?

2. Celebrate each day.
Start a gratitude journal and write down the things that you are thankful for. Write down 5 things each day that you are thankful for. Share them with your family. The first days they will be obvious things: family, friends, food, home. After a week you will find that you have to start to look for things all day long. Now your mind is focusing on looking for the good in each day and this is what you will attract into your life.

3. Laugh, laugh, laugh!
The average 2-year-old laughs 400 times a day. The average adult laughs a mere 15 times a day. What happened? Laugh when the balls that you are juggling drop. Laugh when you trip, if you don’t hurt yourself. Don’t worry about looking imperfect. We are all imperfect. Allow yourself to show the world the human side of you. I have taught my girls to laugh at things that happen that are going to end up being great lifelong stories. You know: those things that happen that you can’t do anything about and people are going to howl as you tell them. Play them forward when they happen and remember the details. And then let out a roar. You are teaching your kids to not take life so seriously and enjoy the mishaps in life!

Lauren went to a club recently in Nashville with friends. She was sweating after dancing up a storm. Her and her friend, Vanessa, went into the restroom so Lauren could wipe off her face. When she got in the restroom a lady was handing out towels to wipe your hands after washing, and there was an array of toiletries on the counter. Lauren decided to crimp her long red hair up to keep it off of her neck. She grabbed a can of hairspray from the basket on the counter and started to spray and crimp and spray and crimp. She had plastered on hairspray when the elderly bathroom attendant walked up to her and touched her arm “Sweetie,” she said, “I think you have put enough deodorant on your hair!” Lauren could not wait to get home and share this story with me. Other girls in the bathroom gasped and were embarrassed for Lauren; she looked it as just a great story showing how perfectly imperfect she is. Laugh when life happens and you drop the balls you are juggling.

The circus tent is still up, the balls are laying all over the ground and as people walk by they can hear the faint sounds of hiccups, uncontrollable laughter and people determined to enjoy this and each circus season by stopping to celebrate the life they have been blessed with. Enjoy your show: the juggling that gets out of control, the lions (also known as kids) that provide you with stories that you can laugh at forever, the acrobats that were executed before you take the broken performer to have their broken bone fixed, and the fact that you are alive and have your act together enough to enjoy your circus family, before the circus is over and they move onto their own circuit, while the show of life passes you by.

Dubbed, "Life's Cheerleader," Sandy Griffin encourages people to celebrate their uniqueness and to share their gifts with the world. Sandy's example has inspired thousands of women to take back their lives and find the fulfillment that they deserve. Her presentation, "Free to Be Me: Creating the Dance of Your Life," uses humor and her personal stories to teach women the importance of honoring their own voice and supporting their journey. To find out more about Sandy, please visit her website at http://SandyGriffin.com.