Have a Kid; Have a Life?
Dispelling Myths for Working Mothers

Summary: When I spoke with Georgette, a thirty-something entrepreneur from Pittsburgh, I couldn't help but be drawn to her message relating her experiences as mom, wife and working woman leading a growing company. Two things stood out for me - Her confidence that the "best" way to raise her child didn't come in the latest book or study. What was "best" for her child was what was "best" for the family. The second was that she didn't lose her identity as a person serving many roles when she became a mom. Mom was just another role for a busy, happy woman. Oops...and there's a third - Georgette's story is eerily similar to my own. I wanted to share this with the Women's Work community, not to imply this is THE way...it's just another way. And the BEST way is what's BEST for you!

I’ll try not to bore you; I know there has been a million other articles that you’ve read regarding “how working mothers” do it! It’s so cliché, no? Truth be told, I started a small company over two years ago (see www.pascalecommunications.com; hello, I am in PR and MUST promote my own company) and things are going well. I’ve got a great staff, good clients and I thoroughly enjoy what I do. I also have a daughter who is almost a year old. This article is really meant to dispel myths and encourage mothers. Because it is not always how people sometimes portray it…”Since you have a kid now, Georgette, you won’t have a life!”. Not true…read on.

First, when I was pregnant, many people tried to scare the hell out of me. Instead of the obligatory “Wow, you’re pregnant; that’s great; congrats!”, I heard things like “Your life will change sooo much!!”, “Get ready for big changes, girl!”, “Your time will never be your own anymore”, etc. The negative spin on those words left me feeling sad for those people. If you don’t want to become a mom, then don’t. I’ve known way too many people that could not have children; my husband and I are blessed that I was able to give birth seven weeks ago. The best one I’ve heard over and over again that has become a running joke with some friends is, “You’ll never have time to shower anymore”. Are you kidding me, ladies? You can find 5 minutes to shower during the day I am sure. There are days that fly by being a new mom, yes, but I think shower at least once a week is feasible. Cut down the drama, mamas! All that being said; I had a baby, I did not die. What I do know is that everyone needs to start sounding a bit more positive about having a child.

Second; don’t question the decisions of new parents. My husband and I do not have family in the area like many couples; that does make it hard at times but that is why we hired a nanny and scouted out babysitters so we can have some time alone or with friends if we wish to do so. And before you balk that we “hired a nanny”, understand that we both work extremely hard and that is how we can afford some help if need be. Some people object to my hiring a nanny thinking that it sounds way too decadent; this is not the set of “Diff’rent Stokes” with Charlotte Rae running around in a maid’s outfit taking care of my daughter and cleaning my home. And I might add that that TV show first aired in the 70s; people tend to forget that. My daughter has had colic a bit and that is, of course, annoying and hard to deal with at times; she is certainly not a saint but I’ve learned to cherish the smiles when my newborn doles them out and take the cries in stride, as well. That is what life is all about; we all get cranky, people! Babies are no different so remember that. I know for certain that when I do not eat when I am supposed to eat, I get extremely cranky so how can I blame my daughter for the same thing?

Third; I am a mom. I am a wife. I am a President of my own company. I do volunteer work. I have many friends. I like to party when time permits. I enjoy travel. I am many things and having a baby has not stopped me. It’s made me better at what I do, actually. I tell you why. Since I am a self-proclaimed workaholic, I’ve always been obsessed with work. Anyway, when you have child, and anyone will tell you this, you don’t get as fired up as you normally would pre- child. For example, if a client yells, I still get angry, but not as angry. I still have passion but I don’t freak out like I used to. It’s calmed me immensely. It helps you see what is important (instead of worrying about not making five parties per week, I now try to make one important one and use the rest of the time to work, fix up our money pit of a home and spend time with the babes and my hubby).

Fourth; my daughter (the “bean” as I so affectionately call her) is already socialized. A very important tool to learn. She’s been everywhere from cocktails at Red Room to a Las Vegas casino to a hotel room at the Waldorf Astoria in NYC…she is a bona fide rock star already. I’ll be going to the Post Office today to file her passport papers so she can travel with my husband and me to Canada in a few weeks. She’s happy and not living under a rock. I am not judging anyone else; “to each his own” as my Italian mom would say. But you can have a life, have a kid. Keeping a child in a bubble amazes me. It's my own personal experience that you’ll be calmer and they’ll be calmer if you expose them to many experiences/ different types of people at a young age. Although I’ve be judged for already taking her on an airplane and bringing her to bar (that was not smoky with rock bands playing, I assure you!), I know that my husband and I are great parents. The other nice thing about being a parent: you do not need to answer to anyone. Ditch all the advice and figure out what works for you.

Fifth, since many of you might be like me, extremely busy, start a schedule early. Even though I am breastfeeding, I never just “give her the boob" whenever she wants it or starts to act up. Just like you schedule everything else in your life, start your child on a routine. A few friends told me that kids thrive on schedules, and I think that was the best advice I have gotten. The bean loves that and looks forward to her nightly bath and oil massage. I know, she’s a diva already at 7 weeks…point is that it’s up to you whether you start sleeping through the night when your newborn is 5 weeks or 5 months or 9 months. You have a say in that as the parent. Use it to your advantage, as well as your child’s, instead of making yourself miserable and frazzled.

Sixth; I am here to tell you that you need to find your way and maybe be a bit non- traditional in your approach to parenting. So, maybe I’ve made major deals in sweats and an old Ramones tee shirt with my kid hanging off my boob…but whatever. I get the job done, I do it well and most importantly, my daughter is not suffering in any way. She’ll be psyched to have a mom that takes her everywhere and teaches her things at a very young age.

Seventh, don’t gloat about your child incessantly and know that some people are not “kid people” as I call them; they do not want to hear that your newborn’s poop is changing from a yellow mustard color to brown or that she smiled at five weeks old and is “already smarter than most babies”. Many people do not get a thrill outta that sort of thing. This concept will help you to “have a life”; others won’t be afraid to hang out with you if you talk about other things; not only your kid. Please don’t change from a social person to “that mother” who has nothing else to talk about except her child. Be proud of your children, of course, but don’t slip into such a hole that you don’t know the name of Brangelina’s child. Keep up with the latest news (yes, Brangelina’s baby was hard news to me; pathetic but guilty as charged!) and instead of boring others, exchange the poop stories with your partner at the end of each day.

Eighth, live somewhere that makes you happy. Sounds easy but I think it’s an overlooked concept. Pittsburgh makes having a business and child easy to be honest, especially after living in NYC for many years. Coming [to Pittsburgh] was a breath of fresh air; I needed to step back, focus and think about what I wanted next. It seemed (and it is!) the perfect place to raise a child and people are generally the nicest I’ve encountered anywhere I’ve lived. Since I live in Shadyside, I can easily take my daughter for walks and so can the nanny.

Ninth; schedules are nice but learn that you cannot always have one. The bean can get a cold or need to be changed ten times before I leave the house. It happens. Prepare for that.

Tenth; ignore my words and learn what works for you! I personally am so glad I did not waste my energy on birthing classes, etc. (again, my own personal opinion) because it allowed me more time to focus on work and things that made the time pass quickly throughout my pregnancy. For me, being almost two weeks late, I had to keep busy and have distractions; I spent my energy on the nursery, among other things, which made me whine less and be more content. I did not allow myself time to think too much or analyze too much as some women tend to do.

Since I’ve had my baby, Pascale Communications has acquired a few new clients with a few more waiting in the wings. I have not slowed down, just prioritized better.

Granted, the bean is barely a year old and I still have a lot to learn. I am not proclaiming to know what I am doing because I certainly do not. This is not a lecture, and I don’t not have all the answers. My way is not the right way, but I wanted to share a more positive article with you about how I do things. My husband and I each work WELL OVER 40 hours each a week and I wanted to not be one of those people who scared you into thinking that that having kid can change your life to the point of not having one anymore. Talk to me when I have a few more and they are all teenagers. I’ll be singing a different tune I am sure. And before you tell me I am being Pollyanna about anything and maybe I’d feel differently if I had a rough pregnancy, please do not; I had morning (all day) sickness and had a few minor scares along the way, just like everyone else does.

Am I superwoman? No. Am I saying that writing this makes me know what I am doing? No. Me putting pen to paper can maybe encourage a young mother OR make an older mother laugh at my naiveté. So go ahead, have a life. Or have a laugh on me. For me, welcoming the bean has only made EVERYTHING so much more fulfilling and interesting; and I still have a very full life.

Georgette Pascale, president of Pascale Communications, a public relations and communications firm located in Pittsburgh, PA, started her career as an intern at Bender, Goldman and Helper in NYC. She's worked at Hill & Knowlton and logged time in music PR working with the likes of Bruce Springsteen and Shania Twain. Prior to opening her own company, she was the director of the healthcare practice at RLM PR. Clients, physicians and third party organizations have called Georgette "efficient", "effective", "the best medical public relations person ever encountered" and "impressively knowledgeable". Georgette has a B.S. in marketing communications from The Fashion Institute of Technology and sits on the marketing committees for both Prevent Blindness America, Ophthalmic Women’s Leaders and is an active member of the National Association of Female Executives.